On the surface, the Covid-19 pandemic seems like it would have been great for relationships: unlimited access to your partner, nonstop togetherness and plenty of time for intimacy.
But, as most of us are now all too aware, lockdowns have largely had the opposite effect on romance. We were living on top of each other, not changing out of our pajamas and sometimes not showering — not sexy.
“Covid has incinerated sexual desire,” said Madelyn Esposito-Smith, a Wisconsin-based sex therapist. “Couples that live together lost any intrigue and mystery working remotely side by side, and alone time to recharge became a precious commodity.”
With summer around the corner, it’s time to bring back something we’ve been missing, maybe without even realizing it: date night.
Why you should date your partner
As its name suggests, a date night is simply planned time that allows couples to focus on each other. “It can be code for scheduled sex, but it can also be playing cards, cooking a meal together, going out, seeing friends or taking a hike,” said New Jersey-based sexuality counselor Melanie Davis. “Maybe it should be renamed ‘date time,’ since it doesn’t matter when you do it — as long as you do it.”
Even if you’ve been together for decades, there is something to be said for spending intentional, quality time with your partner.
“Many folks who have been together for a long time forget that they still have to date,” said sex therapist Rosara Torrisi of the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy in New York. “Relationships are like savings accounts, not checking accounts — you want to make sure you always have more in this account than any anticipated withdrawals.”In fact, date nights may have benefits that last longer than just the morning after. “Date nights have been found to have a positive impact on relationships, including increased relationship satisfaction, care for your partner, mutual fun, better communication and increased commitment,” said Rachel Needle, a psychologist and codirector of Florida-based Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.
A fresh look at date night
Say the words “date night,” and the stereotypical romantic candlelight dinner probably comes to mind. But the truth is, you can go as fancy or low-key — and as pricey or affordable — as you like. Whether you’re still staying close to home or starting to venture back out in the world, are juggling child care or are just starting to date, you have plenty of options.
“Date night is a concept with one purpose: to foster feelings of connection with an important person in your life,” said Rebecca Sokoll, a Brooklyn, New York-based psychotherapist. “Some core ingredients to add into any good date night include: novelty, screen-free time together, eye contact and shared experience. The more ingredients you have, the more likely you are to surpass the goal of fostering connection and move into a greater feeling of potential for growth in the relationship.”
To read more of the article and about Dr. Emily Jamea’s take, visit CNN.com.
