Have you ever dreamt of what it would be like to win the lottery? I know I have. It feels good to imagine who you’d share your winnings with, where you’d go on vacation and what you’d do with extra leisure time.
Have you ever allowed yourself to imagine how it would feel to take revenge on someone who betrayed you? I’ll admit — I’ve done that too. Of course, you’d never actually do the things you envision, but a certain satisfaction, a respite from the pain, comes when you imagine the feeling of seeking vengeance on someone who’s done you wrong.
Most people don’t think twice about lottery or revenge fantasies, but for some reason, when it comes to sexual fantasies, one question comes up over and over again — am I normal?
This was Tara’s question when she sought therapy with me. It was a cold January morning, and my old office was chilly. Tara, however, was flushed and red-faced.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud,” she started. “I have fantasies about things I’d never want to do in real life. I imagine myself at a sex party. I’m wearing a masquerade mask so that my identity is concealed. At this party, anything is possible. I let multiple men have sex with me, one after the next, and I love it. Sometimes I’m tied and bound. Other times, I’m the one moving from one person to the next. I feel like I’m normal in real life, but in these fantasies, I’m totally sex-crazed. I don’t get it. I adore my husband, and I have no real desire to be with anyone else.
But for some reason, these images pop into my head when he and I are making love. Shouldn’t I be focused on him? What’s wrong with me?!”
To read more, go to HealthyWomen.org to learn more about your sexual fantasies and how normally most of them are.
