HuffPost Life – If Your Sex Life is Stale, It’s Probably Missing This Key Ingredient

If Your Sex Life is Stale, It's Probably Missing This Key Ingredient

At the beginning of a relationship, the electricity between you and your new partner makes sex exciting and passionate. But when the honeymoon phase inevitably ends — typically anywhere from a few months to a couple of years in — things tend to cool off between the sheets. As journalist Michael Castleman aptly put it: “The fireworks fizzle. The Fourth of July becomes Thanksgiving.”

If your sex life has become a bit of a snooze, first, know that it’s normal for sex to get stale in a long-term relationship. But it’s possible to get that spark back with the addition of an important ingredient: novelty.

Does that mean that the solution to stale sex is introducing consensual non-monogamy — things like having a threesomeswinging or opening your relationship? Those certainly might do the trick, but there are other options for those who don’t want to abandon monogamy altogether.

Sex therapist Emily Jamea, host of the “Love and Libido” podcast, said she believes couples overestimate what they have to do to keep things exciting between the sheets. 

“You don’t have to go straight from vanilla sex to BDSM,” she said. ”If what you’re doing is too far above your skillset, you’ll feel anxious, which detracts from sexual pleasure. Switching the order of what you do, time of day, or location can be enough to maintain excitement.” 

Start by thinking back to what turned you on in the early days of your relationship — what made sex then so satisfying? 

“Was there the excitement of almost getting caught or just making out on the beach?” Siegel said. “Were you doing sexual things just because you wanted to show them you were a good lover? Sometimes novelty can simply help us rediscover the fun in sex and how we used to enjoy each other.”

Even exploring new hobbies and activities outside of the bedroom can have a positive impact on what goes on behind closed doors.

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